A lot of parents name two of their kids to handle things together after they're gone. It feels fair, and it avoids picking a favorite.
In practice, this shared role is where many families get stuck. Our founder Katie Katz, an estate planning attorney by background, spent 15 years watching families move through it. Most of the friction comes from the structure of the job, not from anyone doing something wrong.
Here is the short version: if you are named co-executor with a sibling, it helps to understand whether you have to act together, whether either of you can act alone, and what happens if one of you can't serve. You can also generally decline before a court appoints you.
This is for general educational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Estate planning laws vary by state. Mitzi is not a law firm. Please consult a licensed attorney for guidance specific to your situation.
Watch Katie explain this on Instagram.
What an executor (and a co-executor) actually is
An executor is the person who carries out what a Will says after someone dies. Depending on the state, the role may be called a personal representative. A co-executor arrangement means two (or more) people share that job.
Here is the part that takes some pressure off. Being named in a parent's Will doesn't lock you into anything. The real decision generally comes later, when a court formally appoints someone to serve.
1. Do you have to act together?
Depending on how the Will is written and what your state's default rules say, co-executors often have to agree on everything. That can mean both signatures on every document.
Picture selling your parent's house. If you and your brother don't see eye to eye on the price or the timing, things can stall until you do. The same goes for closing accounts, paying bills, and signing paperwork with banks.
None of this means siblings can't work well together. It just means the arrangement depends on two people agreeing, often during a stressful time.
2. Is there a way for one of you to act alone?
Some Wills spell this out and allow either co-executor to act independently for certain tasks. Others don't say anything about it. When the Will is silent, state law generally fills the gap, and the rules vary from state to state.
If your parent's Will is still being written or updated, this is a reasonable thing to ask their attorney about.
3. What happens if one of you can't serve?
If one co-executor can't serve, the other can often continue alone, depending on the Will and your state's rules. A successor executor is the backup, the next person in line if neither of you can. Naming one can help keep things moving if life changes, such as a move, an illness, or simply not being able to take on the role when the time comes.
Without a named backup, the court may need to step in to decide who serves.
You can generally say no
Something many people don't realize: you can generally decline before you're appointed. Saying no is allowed, and sometimes it's the kindest thing for everyone, including your sibling.
Once you've started serving, stepping down typically involves the court. That's why it's easier to think it through up front, ideally while your parent is still able to adjust the plan.
A few things that generally help
Talk about it early. A conversation with your parent and your sibling about who is named, and why, tends to go better before anyone is sick. Our article on serving as trustee without losing your siblings covers how to have that conversation.
Ask what the Will actually says. Whether co-executors must act together, and who the backup is, are fair questions for the attorney who drafted it.
Understand probate basics. An executor's job usually runs through probate, the court process for settling an estate. Here's when probate can actually help a family. And here's why court paperwork can matter even for something as simple as opening a safe deposit box.
Look at the bigger picture. Our guide to helping your parents with their estate plan brings together everything we've written on this topic.
If you live in Michigan, you can create your own financial power of attorney and health care power of attorney for $99 right here. If you are anywhere else, take our Prepare to Plan Quiz for a free personalized checklist. We will also add you to our waitlist so we can let you know the minute we are live in your state.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a co-executor?
A co-executor is one of two (or more) people named to share the job of carrying out a Will after someone dies. Depending on the state, the role may be called a personal representative.
Do co-executors have to agree on everything?
Often, yes. Depending on how the Will is written and the state's rules, co-executors may need to act together, which can mean both signatures on every document.
Can one co-executor act without the other?
Sometimes. Some Wills allow it for certain tasks. When the Will doesn't say, state law generally decides, and the rules vary by state.
Can I refuse to be an executor?
Generally, yes. Being named in a Will doesn't obligate you to serve, and you can typically decline before a court appoints you. Stepping down after you've started usually involves the court.
What is a successor executor?
A successor executor is the backup named to serve if an executor can't or won't. If one of two co-executors can't serve, the other can often continue alone. Naming a successor can help keep the process moving if circumstances change.
What's the difference between an executor and a trustee?
An executor generally carries out a Will, usually through probate. A trustee generally manages assets held in a trust according to the trust document. Some families have both roles, sometimes held by the same person.
This is for general educational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Estate planning laws vary by state. Mitzi is not a law firm. Please consult a licensed attorney for guidance specific to your situation.
