5 Financial Conversations Worth Having Before the Wedding
Couples spend months planning a wedding and very little time talking about money. Not because they don't care, but because it can feel like the kind of conversation that should wait until after, when things are more settled, when there's more time.
The problem is that some of these conversations get harder to have the longer they wait. The habits form, the defaults kick in, and what could have been a deliberate decision becomes something that just happened.
These five questions are worth working through before the ceremony, whether or not a prenup is anywhere on your radar. They tend to come up in prenup conversations, and they're worth talking through regardless.
This is for general educational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Estate planning laws vary by state. Mitzi is not a law firm. Please consult a licensed attorney for guidance specific to your situation.
What do we each make, own, and owe?
Incomes, savings, student loans, credit card balances, a business, an inheritance you might expect down the road. All of it.
A core part of prenup negotiations is what attorneys commonly call full financial disclosure, meaning both people lay out everything they own, earn, and owe. But this conversation is worth having even if a prenup is not in the picture. You can't plan around what nobody says out loud, and knowing each other's full financial picture before the wedding tends to make the decisions that follow easier to navigate together.
Are we keeping our money joint, separate, or a little of both?
There is no universally right answer here. Some couples merge everything. Some keep finances largely separate with a shared account for household expenses. Some do a combination.
What tends to cause friction is not the arrangement itself but letting it happen by default, without a conversation. Deciding on purpose, together, tends to go better than discovering later that you each had different assumptions.
What does money mean to each of you?
This one goes deeper than the spreadsheet. Are you a saver? A spender? How was money talked about, or not talked about, in the house you grew up in?
Most financial disagreements in relationships are not really about money. They're about what money represents to each person: security, freedom, control, care. Understanding each other's relationship with it tends to be more useful than any budget spreadsheet, and it's usually the real reason beneath arguments that surface later.
What's your plan around kids?
This is the question couples most often skip, and later wish they had talked through earlier.
Do you want children? If so, does one of you want to stay home, or do you both plan to keep working? What can you afford? Childcare can cost as much as a second rent or mortgage in many cities, and the decision about how to handle it touches almost everything else: who works what hours, whose career takes a back seat, how finances are structured. Having that conversation before the baby tends to go better than having it after.
What happens if one of us can't make financial decisions?
This is the one most couples don't think to ask, and it matters more than people realize.
With a joint account, both names on it, a spouse can typically still access the funds. But in many states, an account held in one person's name alone does not automatically give a spouse access, even after you're married. In a medical emergency or an extended period of incapacity, that can create real practical problems.
A financial power of attorney is a document commonly used to authorize someone to manage financial matters if you are unable to. A medical power of attorney is commonly used to name someone to make healthcare decisions on your behalf. Many couples find it helpful to put both in place before the wedding, not just after, because engagement generally gives you no automatic legal rights over each other's medical or financial decisions. If something happened before the ceremony, the person you've chosen might not be the one legally able to step in.
None of this is about distrust. It's the opposite. The couples who plan before a wedding tend to feel more like a team after it.
What you can do today
If this conversation made you think about your own documents, that's worth following through on. A financial power of attorney and a medical power of attorney are foundational documents every adult benefits from having in place, and they're especially worth thinking about during an engagement.
For more on what engaged couples are often missing, see The One Thing Every Engaged Couple Should Do and our Estate Planning Glossary for plain-English definitions of terms like agent, power of attorney, and advance directive.
If you live in Michigan, Mitzi can guide you through creating a financial power of attorney and medical power of attorney online, at your own pace, without a law firm appointment. Get started in the Mitzi app.
Not in Michigan yet? Take our Prepare to Plan Quiz for a free personalized checklist. We will let you know when Mitzi is live in your state.
This is for general educational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Estate planning laws vary by state. Mitzi is not a law firm. Please consult a licensed attorney for guidance specific to your situation.
