Estate Planning 101: What a Financial Therapist and an Estate Planning Attorney Want You to Know
Estate planning tends to get filed under "I know I have to do this eventually." The jargon is dense. The subject matter can feel heavy. And for a lot of people, knowing where to start feels harder than the thing itself.
In a recent fireside conversation, Mitzi founder and estate planning attorney Katie Katz joined financial therapist Lindsay Bryan-Podvin of Mind Money Balance for an Estate Planning 101 session. Lindsay works at the intersection of money and mental health, and she brought questions directly from her community: child-free people who weren't sure whether any of this applied to them, people in the middle of life transitions who weren't sure whether to wait, people wondering how to talk to their parents, and people trying to figure out who to name when family isn't nearby.
This is for general educational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Estate planning laws vary by state. Mitzi is not a law firm. Please consult a licensed attorney for guidance specific to your situation.
Why financial therapy and estate planning belong in the same conversation
Women carry a disproportionate share of the planning, the organizing, and the follow-through in most families. They are more likely to manage the mental load, more likely to be the default family organizer, and statistically more likely to end up handling things when a parent or partner can no longer do so themselves.
"Women in particular tend to end up carrying a lot of the emotional labor. They tend to know where things belong, and what we know is that so many women tend to deprioritize themselves. A part of practicing financial wellness means making sure that you understand what's going on with your finances and all of the things that encompass your money."
Women are also statistically more likely to retire earlier than planned due to health or caregiving, which makes the while-alive layer of estate planning, the documents that protect you when something unexpected happens, particularly important.
The goal for the session was to make estate planning feel less scary and more in control. Not a check-off, but a process.
Estate planning is not just about what happens after you die
One of the most important reframes in the session came early. When most people hear "estate planning," they think about who gets their stuff when they die. But that's only one layer.
"I kind of like to think of the documents in two layers. The while-alive layer, and then the when-you're-gone, or as-your-life-evolves layer. The while-alive layer is really for emergency preparedness. It's the part most people miss."
The while-alive layer includes two core documents:
Healthcare power of attorney. Names someone you trust to make medical decisions for you if you cannot make them yourself.
Financial power of attorney. Designates someone to help manage financial matters on your behalf if you are unable to, paying bills, managing accounts, dealing with banks and insurance.
The while-alive layer is typically activated by incapacity, not death. A medical event, a surgery under anesthesia, a stroke, a period of incapacity, even something as common as being unreachable while traveling and needing someone to handle a fraud alert or a mortgage payment. Without these documents in place, a court may need to appoint someone to act on your behalf, a process that can be expensive, slow, and not necessarily result in the person you would have chosen.
"If you don't have those documents in place, you are running the risk that a court or a judge will have to step in and grant somebody, maybe it would be the person you picked, but maybe it wouldn't, the ability to do all those things on your behalf."
A notarized piece of paper is not the same as an estate plan
What if someone has a piece of paper with their wishes written on it, it's been notarized at a UPS store, and they want to know if that counts.
"The will is just one piece of the puzzle. An estate plan is a collection of documents that work together to do different things over the course of your life at different points, or when you're gone."
A will, if properly executed, typically directs where assets go after death and names a guardian for minor children. But it does nothing for the while-alive layer. And the formalities of execution vary significantly by state. Some states require two witnesses. Some require notarization. Some allow entirely handwritten wills. Getting those formalities wrong is one of the most common reasons a will gets thrown out or goes unfollowed.
Beyond the will, a significant portion of most people's financial lives, retirement accounts, life insurance policies, accounts with payable-on-death designations, are governed by beneficiary designation forms that operate independently of the will entirely. Whatever name is on the form is generally where that money goes, regardless of what the will says.
A will, in other words, often doesn’t cover the full picture on its own. But if you have one, that is a real starting point. The next step is making sure the rest of the picture is covered.
Estate planning is not just for people with children or significant assets
A lot of the event registrants were child-free by choice or by chance, and they weren't sure whether estate planning applied to them.
Estate planning has historically been framed around traditional nuclear families passing assets down through generations — but the world doesn't really look like that anymore, and for child-free families, this kind of planning can matter even more, not less.
Without an estate plan, the state fills in the blanks. It determines who your decision-makers are if you are incapacitated, and where your assets go when you pass away, according to default rules that may have nothing to do with your actual wishes.
For someone who is unmarried, without children, and without a partner who has any automatic legal authority, those defaults can be particularly misaligned. Assets might go to parents or siblings when you'd rather they went to a close friend, a partner, or a charity. And in a medical emergency, no one may have any legal standing to act on your behalf.
The while-alive layer applies to every adult 18 and older, regardless of family structure, marital status, or how much they own. And the when-you're-gone layer, for people who are child-free, is a chance to direct exactly where you want things to go.
"Who gets what can be siblings, friends, nieces and nephews, your chosen family, charitable causes. Just because you don't have kids doesn't mean you don't have a say in where you want things to go."
What to do if you're in the middle of a life transition
One of the most common reasons people delay estate planning is that something significant is about to happen. A new baby, an adoption, an upcoming marriage, a child about to finish high school. The question is whether to wait until the transition is complete.
The answer, generally, is no. The while-alive layer applies right now, regardless of what is about to change. And the while-alive documents are also the simplest place to start.
"The overwhelm and not knowing where to start is the top reason why people don't start their plan. But I would say, in the middle of a life event that's going to change the way you interact in your family group, all of those raise the same piece of general advice: now is still a good time to start."
The key insight: estate planning is not something you do once and check off. It is something you build over time, update as life changes, and revisit when something significant shifts. Starting with a foundational plan now does not mean it has to be perfect. It means you have something in place while the bigger picture develops.
How to have the conversation, with parents, with partners, with your adult children
A significant portion of the session focused on how to actually bring up estate planning with the people around you. It’s a conversation people know they need to have and often can't figure out how to start.
With aging parents
The resistance from parents is usually not stubbornness. It is more often fear.
"The anxiety and worry about control being taken away from them is real. A lot of aging parents are cautious about having these conversations. They don't typically want to reveal a lot of things to their adult children. The parent-child dynamic is still real."
The goal is to come in with care, respect, and a frame that centers protection, not control. Moving the conversation away from money and toward who can step in and help, if something happened, tends to go better than leading with wills and assets.
Practical tactics:
Make it about you first. "I'm getting my own plan organized. It made me realize I don't actually know how things are set up for you. If something happened tomorrow, would we know what to do?"
Start with logistics, not money. Where are important documents? Does the family doctor know who to call? Where are account statements kept? These questions feel lower-stakes and often open the door to bigger conversations.
Keep it small and repeatable. One conversation, one topic. Set a follow-up. "Let's take a month to get organized and reconnect."
Lindsay added a tactic from her own practice: use a real-world event as a way in. A news story, a tornado, a book someone in the family is reading. "Hey, did you read that book? What would happen if something like that happened to us?" can be an easier entry point than "We need to talk about your estate plan."
Quiet one-on-one moments, a car ride, a morning walk, tend to land better than formal family meetings. And the holidays, when everyone is together, are usually already emotionally loaded.
With partners
The while-alive documents also apply here. Without a healthcare power of attorney or financial power of attorney in place, a partner, even a long-term partner, may have no automatic legal authority in a medical emergency or to manage your accounts if you are incapacitated.
With adult children
Once a child turns 18, they are a legal adult. Parents no longer have automatic authority to access their medical information or make decisions on their behalf. A college student in a medical emergency, a young adult studying abroad who needs insurance managed, a child who gets sick while parents are out of contact: without a healthcare power of attorney and a financial power of attorney in place, parents may be locked out entirely.
Many families find it helpful, once a child turns 18, for the young adult to consider putting a healthcare power of attorney and a financial power of attorney in place — commonly naming a parent or trusted person to act on their behalf if needed.
What if you don't have family or friends nearby to name as your healthcare agent?
This was one of the themes the audience raised most, and one Katie spent real time walking through.
You do not have to name a family member. A trusted friend who lives near you can be a good choice. If neither feels right, professional patient advocates are a rising option, people who will serve in a healthcare proxy role for a fee.
The most important quality in a healthcare agent is not their medical knowledge. It is the ability to have a real conversation with you about your wishes, so that when the time comes, they are not guessing.
"You want to be able to pick somebody that you can have a conversation with, and you can be clear about what you would want."
That is also where a living will, sometimes called an advance directive, matters. A living will is a document that captures your specific preferences: where you want to be cared for, what interventions you do or do not want, organ donation. It gives direction to whoever is named as your healthcare agent, so they have guidance even in the moments when asking you is not possible.
And like all other planning documents: it can be changed. The right person for this role today may not be the right person five years from now.
Putting conditions on what you leave someone
A parent wants to leave assets to an adult child but has real concerns about how those assets would be used.
A trust is the planning tool most commonly used to address this. A trust can hold assets and release them over time, according to conditions the creator sets. It can prevent a young adult from receiving a large sum outright at 18. It can name a trustee, an institution or a trusted person, to manage distributions as circumstances evolve.
An important point: the plan you put in place today is not final, while you are alive and able, you can typically change your plan. Which means that if an adult child's situation changes, the plan can change. What might look very protective now might look entirely different in five years.
"Having this idea that it's set and forget, or final, is something I think a lot of people have about planning. But in reality, you're going to change your plan if something significant happens."
For anyone considering this, working with an estate planning attorney is generally the right approach.
Choosing a guardian: how to break through the paralysis
For parents of young children, guardianship is often the biggest emotional barrier to getting a plan done at all. The weight of the decision, and all the what-ifs that come with it, can make it feel impossible to settle on an answer.
The practical advice: narrow the window.
"Pick the person for guardian that makes sense if something were to happen to you tomorrow. Then take that out about two to three years. In all likelihood, you're going to change your plan, and things are going to change dramatically in your life when you have young children over the next five years."
Get something down. The right answer for now is enough. It can always be updated. A plan that exists and is imperfect protects your child in a way that a perfect plan that doesn't exist yet cannot.
Where people often start
First: get organized. Think through the five main categories of decisions: healthcare decision-making, financial decision-making, guardianship for minor children, where things go when you're gone, and where everything is stored.
Second: consider getting the healthcare and financial powers of attorney in place. These are commonly the foundational documents. They provide the most protection for the most likely scenarios. "If you do nothing else, those are really, really good places to start."
And if you have young children, naming a guardian is another important foundational step worth considering — making a choice now, even one you may revisit later, means you've weighed in rather than leaving it to a court to decide.
Third: tell the people you've named. This is the step most people skip. You sign the document and never tell the person they were named. You never give them a copy. You never tell them where it's stored. A document that cannot be found or that your chosen person doesn't know exists cannot do its job.
Lindsay added from her own experience: she called her sister to ask her to be her healthcare power of attorney and her sister needed time to think about it. The conversation itself was valuable, even before the document was signed.
"Make sure you're also having the conversations. Ask them in advance."
For a comprehensive guide to the five questions worth working through with your parents, and how to approach each one, see How to Talk to Your Parents About Estate Planning and our Emergency Binder Checklist for a full inventory of what families should know how to find.
The Mitzi mantra, which Lindsay echoed: "Done is better than perfect."
"This is way more than most people do. 70% of Americans have no estate plan. The fact that you're here, asking these questions, is already a meaningful step."
If you live in Michigan, Mitzi can guide you through creating your foundational documents online, at your own pace, without a law firm appointment. Get started in the Mitzi app. If you are anywhere else, take our Prepare to Plan Quiz for a free personalized checklist and to join the waitlist for your state.
Mitzi is not a law firm and is not providing legal, financial, tax, or other professional advice. No information contained on this website should be construed as legal advice, the practice of law, or a substitute for an attorney or law firm. If you require legal or other expert advice, you should seek the services of an attorney licensed to practice in your jurisdiction or other professional.
